I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
