how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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