why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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