I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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