i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
