Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
