if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she woke up with a sticky ear
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
