btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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