just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
