All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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