me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
