so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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