Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
