Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
