Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I need water and some morals
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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