I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
