he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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