I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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