physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
