There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
