Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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