You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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