She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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