so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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