I didn't shave. On purpose
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
