I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
