I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
