Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
