yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
