I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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