you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
