would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My breasts were aching with rage.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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