M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
