apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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