my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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