it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
