I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
