and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
