you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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