I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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