broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
