i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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