how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
