He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
