Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Randomize
