apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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