So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
