This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
