So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
