I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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