goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
