my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
