We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
